Suit Trauma

Origin of the suit trauma: The sleeper trauma

From Episode 51 (when it was still called sleeper trauma):


Why sleeper trauma?
This trauma truly behaves like a sleeper agent - which is why I called it that way. This trauma you won’t notice. It is completely interwoven with you - but it still sabotages you. Like it is poisoning you.
Not enough to kill you, but just enough to slow you down, hinder your happiness and making everything you do harder. It is almost worst to remove it, because it is like ripping off a huge part of your skin.
Where in the middle of it, you might ask yourself rightfully, why did I do it in the first place? Because the problem is, as much as it doesn’t poison you enough, it poisons you too much for you to ignore it.
But because it is like a sleeper agent, it is perfectly blended in and if you don’t start looking for that sleeper agent - you never find it. The sleeper trauma is shape wise pretty much completely flat.
Unlike the deep cut severely traumatic experiences are, this one follows the rule of death by a thousand cuts - who barely cut at all. This is why the trauma is more shaped like a German pancake.
But I didn’t want to call it pancake trauma, as first pancakes usually don’t kill you and secondly that might give some people the wrong impression what this is about.
It is about you suffering for a very long time, from many light hidden attack, that weave this trauma, that now later in life still make you suffer and you can’t pin point at one thing as a reason why you feel how you feel.

How do we find the sleeper trauma?
So, how do we find it? It is, as just described, hard to find and sadly rather subtle. It also doesn’t have the classic trigger with flashbacks and the like. It is not a lot of emotions stacked up, because it is many small things.
Therefor you will rarely get an emotional outburst for it and also the symptoms are rather different for this one. It is hard to give general leads on this trauma, but there a few things.
For me, the most clear one is following the trace left by tears. What do I mean by that? You might have already run into that, but is there a specific topic, music, theme, scene or the like, that makes you cry?
Like that tear streaming down your cheeks of way? And you feel a kind of very deep sadness? Almost overwhelming? It can be a completely normal thing to cry for, like a goodbye scene or any tragic scene or the like.
In general if a specific setting/theme/whatever keeps making you reliably cry, that means there is something buried. You might want to start digging.
The other ways are less clear. But I also would go with memories, that somehow seem to keep popping into your head. They are usually not special, it might even appear completely ordinary.
But they keep popping up in your memory. Seems often always kind of random. But somehow you keep seeing it - maybe it even rubbed you the wrong way.
The best way remains to be alert and just watch out for unusual behavior.

Update and change toward suit trauma

From Episode 90:


Sleeper Trauma Update

Let us talk about the Sleeper Trauma that I will rename to Suit trauma - the pancake sweet alternative stays untouched. The description mostly stays, as something that barely has any symptoms, but still poisons you - just more slowly.
And similar to a suit - which why I refer to it this way now - you won’t notice it causing issues, as you have been wearing it for such a long time. And it is so thin that you can barely see it if you are looking at your own shadow.
It can be all covering your body or just a segment. It is created by many, many small moments. Death by a thousand cuts principle remains. Be it insults, gestures, names, bad treatment and so on and the like. That all stays.
But what it now adds, also a reason why I refer to it now as Suit trauma is that it is the perfect sticking ground for the other traumas. And they grow beautifully on it.
One explanation could be, that the body is so busy dealing with the poison from the suit, that it has less resources for dealing with any new trauma. But that is a debate for another day. While it is not complicated to treat, it takes a VERY LONG time to do so.