Episode 103 - Why can't I just be normal again?

Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about the question “Why can’t I just be normal again?” - which is something heard throughout the journey - from start to finish - and one of the reasons why people can’t progress on the healing journey.
Which is why it so crucial we address it and spill the tea - as the saying goes. So let us talk about it

So let us start this with our almost usual disclaimer, that there is no normal. To quote from the Addams family: “Normal is an illusion - what is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly”. What we think is normal is what we learned it to be - especially as a child.
Though what I assume most people mean when they ask this question “Why can’t I just stop being sick?” - which is an all to familiar question and I would argue a rather reasonable one. Most people don’t like to be sick, suffer, loose, suffer loss especially and so on.
Which is one of the reasons we jump back up too soon and not when we are actually done properly healing. Which often results in us in relapsing back into the illness or delaying the procedure for weeks or more if what only was left was time. I am not excluding myself.
We are going to talk about why this sentiment is harmful and might bring your healing journey to a standstill. First we going to talk about change through experience, then no return doesn’t mean stuck and getting back on the path.

You get changed by any experience
For the first point it is really important to remember, that we change through ANY experience. Be it one in the supermarket, a lesson or up to an extreme traumatic experience. We are in constant change. Or at least it is best we are.
If you have diary read up something from years ago - I would be surprised if you felt that was “you”. The more things we experience and the more extreme they are - the bigger the change. This is what helps us grow and be a better self.
Which means if you change by climbing a mountain then you also change through a traumatic experience. It is that simple. And that is not inherently bad. But that also means you can’t go back to your old normal - because it doesn’t exist anymore.
Not because you are doomed or you are bound to it through your PTSD, but simply because you are in constant change and we can never go back. We only can try and correct our course and change ourselves to someone we want to be.

No return doesn’t mean stuck
Which leads to our second point, that just because you can’t reverse the change doesn’t mean you are bound to be sick or suffering. You wouldn’t want to undo the change you did because you climbed that mountain would you?
So why is it that you would want to undo this change? I think one of the biggest point is that it was forced upon you. You didn’t make the choice to change and you didn’t get to choose in which direction it would go.
There are many experiences we grow from - that despite being negative or painful don’t get this reaction. I feel like the biggest factor is the choice being taken away from you and someone else determining in which way you would change.
It is invasive and removes your ability to form your own life. Something most people most likely haven’t experienced before. It is hard to put in words, what it is like, when someone takes away the control over your own life.
It is naturally wanting to change or remove something that was forced upon you. But this is not how it works - you are in a moving car - so to speak - and all you can do is getting back on your own path.

Getting back on the path
This is the final point of this - getting back on the path. Because you can protest, cry, flail, jump, demand to get your right or whatever you want, but it won’t change what happened and usually only stops you from moving forward.
One of the most crucial steps to getting back to normal is to accept that what happened just happened and you have to work to get back on track. It is not fair, you deserve better and it isn’t just. It is just how it is.
By tackling the trauma, working on yourself, rethinking, relearning and the like - you can become the person you want to be again. Though some things might not be able to be regained - some things remain changed forever.
Doesn’t mean once again that you are stuck to suffer or the like, but once you saw how the sausage is made you can’t not know it. It shouldn’t affect you, but it might remain unchangeable. There will be a new you.
One that YOU formed. With time and effort.

That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful. Hope you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at contactme@johannadraconis.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/podcast/, information regarding therapy you can find under johannadraconis.com/therapy/ and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.

The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD ~ Episode 103 - Why can't I just be normal again
Ep103 - Why can't I just be normal again
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