Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about hallucinations or visions - what they are and how we can use them on our path of healing. They are - after all - a way to communicate with our subconsciousness.
There seem to be a lot of confusion regarding this symptom and many misconceptions. So let us talk about it and clear the fog a bit, so we can see a bit more clearly.
This symptoms seems to be one of the most feared and not understood, which is completely understandable. Especially since this symptom seems to be one of the steps to becoming a superhero villain.
Overall the depiction of this symptom in our media is considered an omen of insanity. And even without the media, suddenly seeing things that aren’t there is if not frightening, at least very confusing.
Not without reason - they are a clear warning sign, that something is VERY wrong and a cry for help by your brain. But the confusion and muddiness of this topic is helping no one.
We talk about the darker side next week. This week we talk about what they are, the casual version and the clues they give us, and how we can use them, the unwanted and the wanted ones.
But a WARNING: Don’t do any of todays suggested, unless you feel up to it. If not, use the mantra, breathing techniques, relaxation techniques and so on. See episode 4 for more information.
What are they - Casual version
First off we talk about what hallucinations actually are. Of course there is no 100% clear answer, but I think it is important to get a basic understanding what is happening.
As I think that is the best way to take away the power of fear and confusion from them. I thought about a bit and the best metaphor I found is a projector. You know the small mobile ones?
Usually your brain projects into the inside of your eyes - so to speak - which makes you see memories or daydreams or dreams or the like. But if you suffer from hallucinations your brain is using the projector outside.
So instead the picture of a memory filling out your complete vision, like usual, it is now only a part of the bigger picture outside. Which is confusing. Naturally. As you know it can’t be true.
Additionally what you see is most likely distressing to see for you. Otherwise you wouldn’t see it. You brain is basically complaining about something it is causing itself. This way underlining its importance.
Something is real, if your brain THINKS it is real - that is how illusion from magicians work. So it is completely normal that you believe that there IS suddenly what you see in front of you.
I have to really give it to the spider man - far from home movie, they visualized it really well. But DO NOT watch this movie, if you are in a weak spot. It has some… rough moments to put it mildly.
I will from now on refer to them as visions, as that is actually a better description of what they are. And because of the other word being rather tainted.
But why do we get them? Well your brain can’t talk to you, so it communicates via every other sense you have - be it smell, feeling, seeing, hearing or tasting. A bit like a classmate across the classroom.
So visions, despite them being scary, confusing and disrupting, are an attempt of your brain trying to communicate with you. About an urgent matter, as this is a extreme measure.
What are they - Implications - Follow up/Aftermath/result/consequences - Clues
As mentioned before these visions are basically a cry for help by your brain, because it can’t resolve the issue by itself. The more you ignore it, the more bizarre the vision will become.
Which is a sign you really need to care of it. What you see isn’t random. You see what you see, because you have to see it. It means you have not paid enough attention to it.
Sleep deprivation might make them appear sooner than that. The important question is: WHAT do you see? Look closely. Be aware it is NOT real - which also means it can’t harm you… physically.
And maybe more importantly, what does it turn into? Three examples:
1. If you see a civilian situation turn into a situation from your military base or the like, it is pretty obvious, your brain is telling you there is something from there that needs to be taken care of.
2. Similar if you see the house you were growing up - something is buried there. A door you haven’t opened yet - figuratively speaking of course.
3. The horrible images you might see, you wish you never see again, is you brain basically reminding you, it can’t put it away without your help.
~ You can’t walk away from the trauma you left behind… it will sooner or later get to you. That is why it is better to prepare, strengthen yourself and take care of it.
How we can use them - Unwanted ones
So I recommend to pay close attention - what do you see? What details are there? WHEN does it take place? - all important hints - similar to a treasure hunt you must follow the clues.
If you can, go into the vision, but of course with the premise that it is NOT REAL. See it as a tour through a theme park, a video game or an art exhibit. It is not real, but a message.
The brain is trying to take your hand and lead you to the reason for your symptoms. It can’t speak and sometimes the message appears a bit… lets say… heavy handed. So take everything with a grain of salt.
But it IS trying to lead you somewhere. Somewhere where you buried a truth you had forgotten deep inside you. Yes, that was almost straight from inception, which did a good way of showing this concept.
Many traumas are buried, so the brain could function at that time - which was a good measure. At - that - time. But now, the things buried deep within us need to get out. They are rotting.
Usually these visions are a start of a scene or something happening, you can avoid following the vision, by figuring it out beforehand. The brain will keep giving you clues through varied ways.
How does the brain give you clues? Well some things seem to be strangely in focus and it will try to draw your attention through leading you there. It takes maybe a few tries to understand it better.
Be it short daydreams, mini vision (short moments or just objects), hearing something pronounced, having a specific song stuck in your head out of nowhere and so on.
The more quiet and relaxed you are, the more access you can get to those hints. You can also access those visions directly this way.
How we can use them - Wanted ones
Now, the timing of those visions might be the worst and usually you are not at your best, when they hit you. It is better to cause them and no, please don’t take drugs or the like.
As said before those visions are basically projections or daydreams or whatever you want to call them. That means we can also access them when we are daydreaming.
This can be caused by going into a state of deep relaxation and let your mind go blank, be it with yoga, meditation or hypnosis- like methods. The goal is to meet your opponent well prepared and energized.
To give you the field advantage and better suited to take up the challenge. Also this should make what you see more clear, as you are not in a situation where it gets disturbed or you must push it away.
If you have trouble getting your mind blank with relaxation methods, then there is also the method via music. Without voices. Loud, quiet, epic, piano solo - whatever takes you on the journey.
Now similar to relaxation we let us flow with the music - we just sit back and listen to it. Now the interesting thing about music is, it can influence our mood, but it also feels disturbing if it is the wrong mood.
I recommend having a playlist with everything mixed and you keep clicking next until you hit that music that just … feels… right. It is hard to describe with words.
You might be wondering why I excluded music with lyrics, that is not because I think someones voice can’t carry your emotions and feelings. Not at all. But we need to glide away.
And if we hear a voice we listen to it, which blocks part of the visions and keeps us in the narrative of the singer, which is usually fine, but not when we plan to get access to the depths of our brain.
Remember, you can always leave this vision and it is going to be hard, but it is something that could help you find the true cause of your visions… a trauma ignored.
But whatever you do, tread carefully and don’t overextend yourself. It is a long journey, no need to burn yourself out. It is better to go steadily and take it one step at a time.
I have to be honest with you, last week was rough. I can now add a new thing I had, well actually two things. But at least I have now no more questions left about my past.
I understand now how everything came to be, where it came from, how what lead to what and so on. The final piece of the puzzle finally fell into place. A question I didn’t expect I would find an answer to.
This will take a bit to stomach, but otherwise…. I am okay. I am just licking my wounds and have less energy available and a few symptoms. It will no doubt be resolved, but in the meantime it just hurts. As usual.
I am just glad I could do this episode. Everything will be alright - and that is the most important thing.
That was it for todays episode, I hope you enjoyed it and found it useful. Next week we get into the darker side of visions. What makes them dangerous and where it can lead and why those things happen.
If you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.