Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about something a little bit different than normal. With me spending most week still mourning strongly, I couldn’t get myself to go into the darker side of humanity.
I think that is understandable, but I also didn’t want to leave this week empty. So, after a bit of thinking and testing, I thought it might try to do a more positive episode. Be it a bit shorter one.
Today I want to talk about how you can do it, how I did it and encourage you to keep on walking… and hopefully have a bit more faith in yourself, that you can do it.
Can I do it?
One of the most heard questions I read is: Can I do it? Many are just lost, they got their diagnosis, most likely gotten already in a bad situation because of it, sitting there and asking: Now what?
If they have gotten the diagnosis at all. Most feel lost, though that never really disappears in life, I get that feeling too. But you shouldn’t feel like that all the time.
Then they might hear about the stories of others, who managed to heal themselves, or even cure themselves. But the question remains: Can I do it? Other people might have, doesn’t mean that I will.
Which of course the depression, which is usually the company of PTSD, is all to happy to make a bad situation worse. Now telling you, you are bound to fail. I have been there.
So I tell you something, no one told me back then: I believe in you. I have no doubt you can do it. Yes, you might be a bit outnumbered, but that only counts if you are on the same level.
I helped a few and … not one I helped so far, started with a different feeling. It is okay to need help, it doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you recognized you can succeed faster with help.
I have complete and utter faith that you can succeed. There is no doubt in my mind. The exact how is the problematic part at the moment. But I have no doubt you can see it through.
How did YOU do it?
Many asked me how I succeeded. Not the technique. How I did. Which is a good question, the odds were stacked against me. Still I succeeded. So, how DID I do it?
Though I am still figuring out the exact answer. But I would say, because I was to stubborn to just lie down and die. I just kept going. I might fall, I might lay there for a while. But I got up. Again and again.
I was like, if life wants me dead, it has to work for it. I am NOT doing it for it. I had really absolutely no faith I would succeed. Like I said, everything and everyone was against me.
But there is something liberating if you have nothing … you have nothing to loose and might give it a shot. I just wanted to make my situation less miserable.
The MMO I was playing at the time, showed me, that I would rather do something if it was 10 small steps, then 1 big one. So I applied that too. I focused on one small thing, instead of the big picture.
My aim was not to get healthy, my aim was to take one of my enemies down. Just to make my life a little less miserable. And after that was done… why not another one?
Just keep walking
And if that one succeeds why not another one? And another one? And then you fail. You readjust .. And another one. After each there is a short break. Where you just trying to figure out what the heck just happened.
Where you breathe and maybe just enjoy a bit that tiny victory. Then the moment passes and you move on. This is not something I believe I am only capable of. I think it would be incredible self centered if I did.
I have talked and interacted with many with PTSD, I have yet to see someone who I don’t think is capable of this. They are usually just lost. So they just need to find their way again.
I thought about it and the best example I found, at least at this moment, is, a rope with knots which is used in climbing mountains. Where you slowly move from knot to knot?
Which is a sort of guidance on the tricky paths. The trick is to slowly, with the rope as guidance, work yourself forward. You can’t lean on it really. And no matter how wonky it is, it is better with than without it.
Because no matter how tempting it is and how close the goal seems to appear, don’t jump. It ends badly. I tried it several times, still do. Bad idea. It ends differently than you think it will.
You know it might be boring and all, but if you stick to that rope, you might stumble, you might hit yourself, but at least you will arrive safely in the end. As far as I am concerned, that is the thing that matters.
So yeah, nothing you can’t do. Look where you came from, what you all mastered. Maybe start writing down all your daily victories. You will get more than you might think. You are still standing.
Despite all that happened. After all that was done to you. That is the biggest victory. Now all we have to do is take care of the rest. Bit by bit. You get there. Most likely with a few detours.
I have no doubt you can. I have complete and utter faith in you. I know it doesn’t feel like it. But you CAN do it. I believe in you. Honestly. I wish you the best on your path ahead of you.
That was it for today. I hope you are braving the dark months with ease. I overdid it again and am sick again. When will I ever learn?
Either way, I hoped you liked todays episode and as usual if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time