Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about silence. THE silence. The silence that you need to break if you want to talk about any side topic that is generally not talked about.
It is the thing that keeps people silent and makes it so hard for us to talk about it. Any of it. Many insecurities stem from it. And it is wrong. The silence only harms the victims.
That is why it is so important to talk about things, that normally no one really talks about. Because silence can be filled with anything, but a statement has to be contradicted.
So let us talk about it.
There are a lot of reasons why people don’t come forward when they were raped, but the one I want to draw now attention to, is, that they didn’t wanted to have to admit, they had sex.
No matter how wanted or unwanted it was. Because even talking about sex is such a big hurdle to take, that they don’t dare to do it. The silence becomes an impenetrable wall.
And it doesn’t matter how close the ones you are trying to reach are - they are now out of reach. A person who suffered a trauma has it hard enough as it is to speak about what happened.
There is no need to make it even harder. What is often referred to as silence is the taboo. You don’t talk about that. You don’t say things like that. Only xyz kind of people say something like that.
The only thing that helps is educating and breaking the taboos. The more common it is to talk about something, the more likely are people coming forward and share their experience.
So, first we talk about why it is so hard and then we ask if we have to break the silence.
Why is it so hard?
So we start with a question that is accurate for SO many topics “Why is it so hard?”. I have mentioned it before, we are social beings. Autonomous herd beings. Means we can act independently, but prefer being in a group.
We are actually pretty good in team work and at our strongest when we work together. The group gives us strength, protection and companionship. That is most of the time, really important to us.
In fact most of the time we act in response to the group. Thinking and acting independently from the group is hard, as you have to carve your own path. So many fear nothing more than to lose the group.
That can be a long standing group or a freshly made one. We don’t like to stand out, if we are unsure about what to do. We don’t want to look ridiculous. And loose the favor of the group.
That is why in an emergency situation when too many people are present, no one will help. Because no one dares to step and stand out. That is why in first aid it is taught to be specific with giving out tasks.
Not “Someone call an ambulance” - no - “You sir, with the blue shirt and the black jeans, call an ambulance!”. This way you take over responsibility for the situation and he is not to blame. He just did as he was told.
The same things happens reverse for victims, they would need to step out of the group and stand before it and declare something about a taboo. Most likely they will be hit with rejection and attacked.
So most stay silent and that is rather wisely. People already wounded shouldn’t need to step out and break the taboo. In their weakened state they can’t properly defend themselves. That is why it is so hard.
Do I have to break the silence?
When it is so hard, do I even HAVE to break the silence? Yes - for yourself. Do I recommend speaking out? - No. — Not until you completely recovered from your trauma and are stable enough for it.
Otherwise the ground you stand on is too wonky and even a half skilled person can make you fall. But you have to break the silence, at least to someone. Otherwise you bottle everything up.
Like I mentioned many times before, we are social beings. We need to exchange ourselves, especially if we are struggling or in pain. If there is really no one you could talk to, I recommend writing it down.
If you are afraid that someone might find it, you can burn or destroy the pages, after you have written them. Important is that you wrote them down. So they are not locked up in your own head.
Being able to speak is like being able to breath after holding your breath for a very long time. Especially if you are also under a lot of pressure and stress. Give yourself a moment to just breathe.
The problem with silence is, that everyone can interpret it in any way, shape or form as they want. There isn’t a clear sign set by silence. Sometimes an obvious one, but not a clear one.
Additionally abusers fill the silence with their own interpretation, this way convincing the victim that their environment agrees with what is happening or the like. Their creativity rarely knows any bounds.
Silence leads to a wall that the victim has to break through to get help and the abuser can use to isolate the victim and shape the situation in whatever way wanted. The silence needs to be broken.
I will address the elephant in the room. The Corona virus. I admit I am worried. Though not so much for my wellbeing - everyone outside of china seems to be having it quite good under control.
Though after the way Ebola was handled, I am a bit worried about that. But I am optimistic they learned. Many won’t understand why this virus is so concerning - others have played plague inc.
I am worried because my father lives in South-East-Asia and in a nation were many Chinese people live. Does it give me sleepless nights? No, but he is my father and naturally I am a bit worried.
The situation of the virus is a strange one. Somehow it is everywhere… and nowhere at the same time. Is the situation reason to worry? - Yes. Is the situation reason for panicking? - Definitely not.
As dangerous as a virus infection it, it is contained, the virus exposed. The treatment even now in more cases successful than the amount of deaths. It is the time to be vigilant and having an eye on the situation.
As one should in a potential threatening virus making the road. Besides that, we can only live our lives and hopefully we get that vaccine soon. I hope everyone gets well as soon as possible.
That was it for todays episode. I hope I could break a bit the silence regarding this topic. I know how hard it is for most to speak something into the silence - it is like fighting an invisible wall.
So, and I mean it the way I say it, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.