Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about Injustice and dealing with the emotions - which we talked about last week. Not just with the sadness and the anger and everything in between, but also a bit with the cause.
Dealing with the emotions is crucial in removing it from your system or at least lessen the symptoms. So let us get right into it.
When I first did this, I didn’t think it would really be helpful, but knowing how things worked, I thought it will be at least somewhat helpful. More like a stepping stone than a solution. I was wrong, it was extremely helpful.
As much as I knew of the power of speaking things out loud and how important it is to gives something a voice, I did not expect it to be THAT effective. And it is - once again - rather simple.
We talked about it before, our emotional and vocal sections are strongly connected. That should come to no surprise, as I think most of us had the situation, where our voice was unplanned affected by emotions.
Where we just wanted to say something, but our emotions maybe made it impossible or we didn’t sound like we intended to sound. Similar we can we hear the emotions in other peoples voices.
Which sometimes lends them credibility or takes away from it. For this we will first talk about how we address it and then a few phrases and examples.
How do we address it?
So, how do we address it? Well, there are a few different categories of people we address. First the causers, the people who caused this injustice. Usually I refer to them as the tormentors.
The second category are the bystanders, who could have done something, but didn’t. Third the ones that afterwards proof unhelpful, by making the road to recovery harder and furthering the injustice.
For example doctors who don’t take your suffering seriously or people who help the tormentor and harm you. The fourth category is people, who mean well, but their behavior or words are rather unhelpful.
The first two I put in the “How could you” section and other two in the “How dare you” or “How can you” section. And then the final section and category is you, the “I am sick and tired” or “I am done with” one.
Once again it is important that you say it out loud, I warn you ahead, that despite maybe starting relatively quiet it can easily happen to you that you get really into it and get rather loud. Especially if you are angry about those points.
You also might cry a lot. Either way, that is the point of this exercise. Letting those emotions out, because they are like weights weighing you down and eating you up inside. They shouldn’t be bottled up like this.
So find a place and space where you can be maybe a bit louder and/or cry. Also I recommend doing it in a time window where you can be yourself and don’t have to put the mask on.
The phrases and examples
Now let us go to the phrases. For them it is important that you imagine the person in front of you. You might hesitate saying it to that person, as saying it usually would draw severe consequences.
That is why you usually bottle it all up inside… and slowly poison yourself. We need to get it out. And the good news is: We don’t need that other person actually to achieve it. Like I said before:
You don’t need other people to cure yourself - as them doing something specific. I am all for getting help and support. You will - most likely - NEVER get the apology, answer or the like you deserve.
So, as I said, find yourself a place where you can this and visualize the person you want to say it in front of you.
Then use for the first section the sentences “How could you…”. For example.
“How could you do this to me?” “How could you abandon me like this?” “How could you justify this behavior?” “How could you still claim you are doing the right thing?”
And so on and so forth. Start… you will most likely be surprised how easy you come up with more once you started. The same with the second section “How dare you” or “How can you”.
Some examples are again: “How dare you say it wasn’t wrong what happened!” “How can you act like everything is normal?” “How can you still look into the mirror?”
Play around, see what you respond to. It is relatively easy once you let your emotions loose. Now to the final section “I am sick and tired” or “I am done with”. For example:
“I am sick and tired of having to bite my tongue around everyone and not speak freely.””I am sick and tired of being sick.” ”I am done with having to fight for my basic rights”.
There is a lot we can’t say around normal people. They usually can’t deal with it. So this is really a great way to say those things nonetheless. It is important to just get them our of your system.
So you can heal and finally move on.
I don’t know if you play these sort of games, where you have to follow a NPC sneakily and he isn’t allowed to detect you? And every now and then he turns around to check what is going on behind his back?
Well, I just realized during my walk with the dog, that I am that NPC during our walks. You see, my dog is free running, while I have a leash on me, as he is very reliable and trained well.
But with age he picked um some bad habits, he isn’t supposed to do. Not really bad, but still something he shouldn’t do. Like eating all the grass. But sadly he figured out, that, if he walks behind me, I can’t see it.
IF he is sneaky and silent about it. That are the times I wish I had a Labrador… they usually don’t figure this kind of stuff out. So now every now and then I turn around to shoo my dog, like that NPC.
But at least he is getting better and that is one of the signs for it. And regarding stealth in games: Unless I am forced to it, I usually go by the method “No one can notice, if no one is left to notice”. I just suck at stealth.
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful. I might pick up the exercises again now and then to show their usage properly - especially if people feel like they need more explanations.
As I did cut it all rather short. But that was it for now, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.