Episode 53 - Change - Difficult and Necessary

Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about change - why it is so hard and why it needs to happen. Change isn’t just something that affects greatly our healing process, but also life in general.
As much as this episode is a slight reflection of current events, it does mainly focus on the PTSD aspect of it. And I think it is important that we talk about it.

Before we start I just want to make clear, that I personally hate change. The autist in me wants nothing ever to change and spontaneous cancellations of plans or the like are the worst. I am really no fan of change.
I tried during my healing journey so strongly to hold on to the old, but it was in vain. All things come to an end. That doesn’t mean you die with it. It just means that all things come to an end.
Maybe something new comes from it that will replace the one before and life goes on pretty much as before. Most of the time it is a smooth transition, like the change of clothing style or music. All changes.
That all things end is a good thing, as painful as it is to loose the things we love or hold so dear - it also means that the bad things end. The reigns of terror and horrible things that they bring along too.
We can’t have one without the other. Either all stays forever or nothing. Change will never will be an universal well loved thing, as it always bring new challenges and dangers.
So let us first talk about why Change is so hard and then why it needs to happen.

Change - Why it is so hard?
So you may now ask yourself, why is it so hard? Well you can 100% blame your brain for that. You see our brain REALLY wants to stay alive - and does EVERYTHING to accomplish that.
But sadly sometimes the actions of our brain do exactly the opposite. If we go back the old ages, for when our brain is most adapted for, change was something VERY dangerous. It meant potential death.
You see, the brain was happy if it knew where it could find food, shelter, water and whatever it wants. That was stability and safety. In a time where every second could be your last.
So that is what the brain wants to maintain. Now if anything changed, like the water source dried up… that was bad. Potentially lethal bad. As it meant, you were on a timer and forced to act.
You might die of thirst or the new source is in a dangerous area or you might get attacked while looking for it. In other words: It was a gigantic risk once you had to look for new sources for necessities.
So the brain learned to do everything it can at any cost to keep this sources as long as possible. Looked after the water source and made sure it did no go dry for example. It meant survival and safety in unsafe times.
That basically means, if we want to change things, it is like we go to our brain and say ‘Let us get away from all those sources and go somewhere else and see what happens’ and the brain goes ‘Are you INSANE?’.
Naturally it will block any such things, as it just want to be save and survive. Even if that behavior in our days sometimes lead to the exact opposite. That is also the reason it is so hard to leave your save zone.

Change - Why it needs to happen
Now after I explained why it is so hard, it might be wise to give you a reason to go through this hassle. As the brain has kind of a point: If what you know has kept you alive, why change it?
That change might make just everything so much worse. That is also why we don’t leave hostile environments, hostile relationships and the like. I mean… we survived them so far… better stick to the devil you know.
But that is a bit survivors bias, is it not? More accurate would be: It hasn’t killed you YET. It is like poison: Just because it hasn’t killed you yet, doesn’t mean it isn’t poison or will not kill you.
Everything in life is every moving and ever changing- like a wave, you can either swim with it or not. You can try to block it, but the structure will soon or later get brittle and nothing will remain.
Because we change, we adapt to our circumstances and therefor grow. Our best development we experience in hard times - as it is so nicely put in the movie ‘Little Miss Sunshine’. Link to the clip in the description.
It is important to keep the old good things, as far they are still valid and we can, but our reality changes everyday… a bit. And if we ignore that bit of change… over times it builds up to a tsunami wave and crushes all.
That is why change needs to happen, so we keep swimming or keep up with life. Life erases those who don’t. You find the same logic and rules apply in different areas, but they all have the same outcome.
If we don’t adapt or change to fit our new realities, we will fail. What that change is that needs to happen? Well that is always open for debate. The future will tell for sure - all we can do is to do the best we can to adapt.

Private Words
I feel strongly with the protesters. They are tired of running. Like I was from my PTSD and turned around to face the beast. That is what happens if you keep attacking a man. At once point he turns around to face you.
As he has no other choice. I think the same applies here. It was actually long overdue. That one death was just one too many. And this death sparked a movement similar to the German one.
The one caused by Benno Ohnesorg, which ironically means without worry, is most likely the most important movement in German history. It lead to the Germans facing their past and prevent the rise of the old.
I see many similarities between those two movements. I hope this one succeeds in its plans like the one in Germany did. It is just enough. Too many people died, too many people suffered.
A system that slowly went more and more adrift in the last decades. The role of the people in power that worsened this situation should not be forgotten, as John Oliver pointed out nicely in his segment.
To put it in a summary: Black people and other minorities were hunted for so long and now they are so tired, that they are facing the beast that is hunting and willing to use lethal force against them.
An act of pure desperation. I hope they are successful, I hope the Military doesn’t get involved and that the violence ends. I hope. Despite the odds. Despite everything. Everyone has the right to want to be save.

That was it for todays episode, I hope you are all well and save and hopefully unharmed. If you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at contactme@johannadraconis.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast, information regarding therapy you can find under johannadraconis.com/Therapy and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time!

The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD ~ Episode 53 - Change - Difficult and Necessary
Ep53 - Change - Difficult and Necessary.
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