Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about living with your decision and a bit about the guilt that is sometimes associated with it. It might be a bit of a different episode than usual.
I recently hit the topic myself as in reason listed last episode, but also while I was helping others. What if I make the wrong decision? They were too scared to make a decision, because of this very reason.
They prospect of making the wrong choice scared them so much that they weren’t able to make one. How could I live with my decision? What if I make things worse?
That is the problem with a dilemma - either way you choose, you will cause suffering either way. So many people decide not to choose, so they can say to themselves, that it wasn’t THEM who caused it.
The problem with that is, it doesn’t really work. By not doing anything, usually the worst thing happens or a worse thing you didn’t even imagine or both might happen or the like.
Why we need to make decisions and why it is so important for the healing process is an own topic for another time, this time we focus on our feelings with the decision we DID make.
Impact of the decision
So here we are, we made a decision and now bad things happened because of it. Maybe we were aware that they might happen, maybe we weren’t. Either way, now they are here.
And without a doubt in our heads we go back in time where we could have turned this away. When there was still enough time to change things or at least to do things differently. Regret is usually always there.
It is even worse if someone dies. Either connected to our choice or our choice made us miss out. Even if no one dies, we nonetheless feel guilty about the suffering we caused.
And of course we are going to miss - whatever we lost. Painfully aware it was our path that led us here. People will ask, why we made this choice. Hard to defend, if you didn’t want to do it in the first place.
And of all the choices that were present, it was the one you could live best with - or at least you thought you could. Facing all of this it is no wonder that most people rather not choose.
Because no matter what people believe, most people really struggle with forgiving themselves. Not to push it aside or pay a compensation or deny it, but actually learning to forgive yourself and letting something go.
I am NOT saying, that if you do something wrong you shouldn’t try and do make amends for it. Far from it. That is about them. This is about you. I am talking about forgiving yourself for the mistakes you made.
This is of course not simply done by waving your hand or anything the like. But via a hard introspection and look at what you did and why you did it. We can’t change the past, just how we deal with it.
Often we are mostly disappointed in ourselves - we failed to meet our own expectations… and in hindsight everything was so obvious. The feelings of guilt are a topic of themselves.
Accept the decision
But let us be real here: You did in that moment what you thought was the right decision. Depending on your life experiences, the knowledge you had, the energy you had, your constitution and your view of the situation.
Of course you know afterwards more and the decision appears in a different light - but you have to remember, in that moment you didn’t had that knowledge and weren’t in the state you are in now.
We have the saying, I wish I had the knowledge I have today yesterday. But that isn’t how it works, is it? You know now more because of all your decisions and experiences along the way. You learned from your mistakes.
It is what it is. What happened did happen. You can’t change it. You can only accept it happens and take consequences from that, this way changing hopefully for the better. But no one is helped with self flailing.
Either try to change things (be it by changing yourself or your surrounding) or accept things as they are. Hitting yourself gets no one anywhere.
So to summarize: You accept what happened, you take consequences from that - be it change of behavior or doing something or the like, forgive yourself for making a mistake and take the actions that are necessary.
My dog is still alive - I never thought that would be a somber statement. Sadly, my decision was taking away from me. And as much I love still having him with me, watching him suffer and deteriorate more and more is horrible.
Apparently though his suffering isn’t enough and until then nothing happens. Despite the signs of what will happen soon are obvious and the fate I had hoped to spar him from will happen. He deserves better.
So now it is time to wait until he drops and I call the emergency vet to put him down or he falls asleep while he sleeps. I pray for the latter. To whom? I am not being picky in my situation.
That was it for todays episode. We will surely going to revisit the topics guilt, feelings of guilt, decision and the like.
Nonetheless I hope you liked this episode, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast, information regarding therapy you can find under johannadraconis.com/Therapy and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time!