Episode 57 - Will this nightmare ever end?

Intro
Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about a question that kept coming up in the last weeks: Will this nightmare ever end? As in will I ever get better or am I trapped?
As much as this can also apply to the sadly horrific situation America is in right now - we ask this in regard if this PTSD nightmare will ever end.
I know this is a fear that nags on many people, but don’t really dare to ask or say it. So let us talk about it.

Prelude
I mentioned before that I also feel like in a hamster wheel at times, the same cycle repeats itself again and again - and you just don’t seem to be able to escape it. It is exhausting and understandably to just feel tired.
I do feel that, even though I DO know better. For a very long time during my healing path I was worried - no it was my greatest fear - that after all my hardship and suffering I would hit a locked door.
That I was doomed to be locked in this nightmare and the path upwards was just something that was kind of an illusion, that would lead to nowhere or to a door that remains locked and I remain doomed.
That didn’t happen. It was more leaving a fog of sorts. Everything became clear and I had access to things I had thought I had lost. Or even forgot I had once. It was a very unique experience.
First we talk about why we feel this way, then we get to main question, if this nightmare will ever end and lastly we get into what we can do.

Why do we feel this way?
So why do we feel this way? To put it simple: It is one of the symptoms. Maybe in co-operation with depression, but it doesn’t really matter. The biggest thing about PTSD is, that is discourages you to get better.
It is almost if it has an awareness. It is like a villain in a game, series, movies or the like. “Don’t even think about fighting me, I am so powerful you don’t have a chance!” Never wise to follow those words of your enemy.
This feeling of never be able to break free is one of the sabotage symptoms of PTSD. PTSD is not just make you suffer, but it also sabotaging you in getting better. Like the ring in lord of the rings.
Which really makes it an extra level of cruel. It is really the cancer of psychological illnesses. It doesn’t just take away your hope in getting better, but also takes away the taste of food and drinks.
Takes all the joy, positive emotions… even love is affected by it. All of course depending on your kind of trauma and the extremity of it. All part of the sabotaging part of PTSD.

So, will this nightmare ever end?
Which bring us back to the question: Will this nightmare ever end? Yes, it will. BUT. Not on its own. It will definitely not just go away, if you ignore it long enough. Seriously, when did that ever worked out well?
Though this feeling will remain and always come back along the way, even if you know better, by already being completely free of it or you just unlocking a new section or the like.
This feeling of hopelessness, is sadly often part of the healing cycle we have been talking about a lot lately. The good news is, the further you are with your healing, the weaker the sabotage gets.
It is like usual: If you are at your bottom and lie on the ground, you will be kicked. But be up and running? And you get tail wind. It is the good old vicious cycle.
So, it does get easier and the nightmare does end. And the really funny and weird thing is, as soon as the nightmare truly ends… it very soon vanishes from your memory. Like a bad dream… it all just fades away.
All the suffering and the horribleness, just an echo and almost barely recognizable. Almost like it never happened. It is all just an illusion of sorts, but sadly you only see that afterwards.

What CAN we do?
Which leads me to the question: What CAN we do? There is sadly little we can do once we are caught in it. We can only do the riding the wave move - in which we learn to time our efforts.
We need to let it wash over us, limits it effects and preserve our energy as much as possible. That means we use our mantra, breathing techniques, grounding techniques, whatever works to calm our minds.
Careful that you don’t use a downward spiral to self sabotage. That means you are slowly talking yourself into getting worse. Usually with scenarios that make the situation worse and worse.
That means as soon you find yourself reiterating how bad the situation is, just try to shut that down as fast as you can and redirect your thoughts. The more often you do it, the easier it gets.
Besides that, we can do our Mantra, breathing techniques and whatever that helps us to calm down in a situation with high stress. Simply to take the blow out of it.
Besides that try to get ANYTHING done… be it in reality, game, digitally, whatever. It is important to have small success event now and then. Sometimes you need a little band aid to keep you going.

Outro
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful. If you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at contactme@johannadraconis.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast, information regarding therapy you can find under johannadraconis.com/Therapy and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time!

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