Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about just wanting a break from life - you know a pause button. I am sure all of you have felt this way - especially when things got out of hand.
Many people don’t talk about that, but it is actually a pretty big part of our reality - even without PTSD. It can be a tremendous burden, which is why I wanted to talk about it.
There are just moments where the string of events just doesn’t seem to stop. Or sometimes you are stuck in so many waiting lists that it becomes incredible tiring. Or stuck in a situation where there seems no way out.
Sometimes everything is just… bad. There is no way to sugarcoat it. I mean one can try, but it usually just sounds hollow. That just how life is at times. Sometimes for quite some time.
Other times it just seems like everyone is running and you are falling behind - sometimes the world itself seems to be moving too fast. So many things happen after another - and you just can’t seem to catch up.
How nice would it be to have a button, that would just pause life. Just to give you a little break. You get to just lay back a bit. Figure things out. Rest a bit. Life can wait for a while. You be back at it soon.
You just don’t want to loose any more time and fall behind even more. It sucks not to be able to move forward as fast as you would like to do. So first we talk about how we feel and then what we can do.
The feeling of getting left behind
Why do we need the pause? Because you need that additional time and you seem to get left behind - and that is a horrible feeling. But no matter what you do - you can’t keep up. You just can’t keep up with everyone else.
Be it because you keep getting delayed by surprises in your life or because of setbacks or life just being life. It becomes usually more apparent during other peoples milestones - and you realizing you’re still stuck on it.
The reason for that is a rather obvious one: PTSD is forcing you to live life on a different pace than everyone else - a slower pace. Things like chores, bills, appointments and the like are now quite a challenge.
They shouldn’t be - but they are and that just delays everything a tiny bit more. It is frustrating and unfair - as if we hadn’t to deal with enough anyway. We don’t want to loose everyone - we don’t want to fall behind.
That is our primal instinct speaking - we don’t want to loose our group. The good news is: You no longer get left for dead if you can’t keep up with the others - at least in civilized nations. You are safe - mostly.
Yes - it sucks. Yes - you will loose out on a lot. Yes - it is unfair. Yes - you don’t deserve that. But here is the thing - ‘survival is never pretty’. This isn’t about being nice, fair or the like. This is about surviving.
What can we do?
Well, so what can we do? As usual, not as much as we want to. The most important thing is to accept that your pace is now a different one or always was. It is unwise to fight against it - because that just exhaust you.
I really learned - and believe me I regularly try to prove the opposite - that the more you accept that is just the way it is and try to relax as much as possible and go by that pace - the faster you move forward.
I know it sounds paradox, but sadly it is really the case. It truly is better to walk slower - but constantly and securely - than trying another pace and keep falling flat one your face.
Sometimes that means taking a break - despite of the workload we know is piling up further. Sadly that is something we can not change. All we can do is our best and try to avoid deadline issues that can arise.
Because that is the other thing we can do - to sadly accept that we just can’t really do anything at the moment. That is very difficult - I know that. I really do. It is just we don’t really have a choice in this.
We are bound to our situation… sometimes that means we accept a loss, but that means we stay in the game and can become free of this nightmare - and that is the most important thing - by far.
Obstacles like this belong to the journey. As long we keep on going, no matter how slow, we are still on the right path. And that means we get there… eventually.
That was it for todays episode. I hope you all are doing alright and that you are safe.
Take very good care of yourselves and if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at email@example.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast, information regarding therapy you can find under johannadraconis.com/Therapy and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.