Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about a topic I keep running into - especially with men: Why can’t I change my emotions with logic? I mean I know the whole situation, I use logic all the time, why doesn’t it just work?
This is a strong misconception and leads to many people ending up in a dead end in their healing path. So let us talk about it.
Many adults learned to handle their emotions with logic - for good reasons. While using our higher brain abilities to control the primal ones - we can tame, control and direct our emotions and the energy coming with them.
There is a good reason why meditating is so helpful, as are these techniques used in advanced training in the military. But there is a big difference between our emotions and where those emotions are coming from.
You might feel angry, scared, restless, sad, emotional and the like, but that isn’t the source. This is just the echo… or the noise of what is really going on. That is also why we can’t make it stop - only maybe pause for a bit.
We can try to just push the emotions away or try to redirect them, but if we don’t get to the source of the emotions, we are fighting a lost cause. Though the main problem is really finding that source.
It is like finding a hole in a water pipe, there is water flooding everywhere - the whole scenario is pure chaos - the water keeps pushing you away and the hole is barely visible. It is just frustrating and chaotic.
Which is the complete opposite of the logical way of finding the source.
Difference between logic and emotions
There is a HUGE difference between changing a logical standpoint and an emotional one. Your logical standpoints are like text files, if your brain finds more accurate information - it will just overwrite what was written before.
Depending on the topic, the importance of it and its size - this will take more or less time and evidence. But generally speaking, as long there is no emotions involved - it is easily changed.
For example the name of the place you work at. Emotions on the other hand are always more like clusters. Emotions are a ball of interconnected strings of thoughts who are interwoven with feelings.
So unlike logic - they are 3 dimensional instead of just 2 dimensional. Which means you can not just throw them out and replace them with the new emotions. The emotions are too complex for that.
You have to actively change the shape of the emotion that is false into a correct one. You could say that you have to erase many logical statements that are connected to another and influence one another.
This is why emotions are so much harder to change than logical thoughts in your head. A factual argument won’t change the emotion - it requires work and perspective form many different angles.
How to reshape emotions
So how do we reshape those emotions? By approaching it again and again and again - until it is where we want it to be. Think about it like a lump of clay. For this example you want to turn a cube into a ball.
Now you can’t just reshape it, as the clay is hard. So every time you get a new revelation regarding this topic - it will soften the clay for a tiny while - in which you can reshape it just a bit. The same revelation won’t work twice.
This is a long and active process. This is not something you will handle just subconsciously - you will need to keep actively picking up aspect after aspect of this topic - until it changes into the correct form.
As you might suspect now, this is how our relationships and feelings change over time. Little moments and experiences and revelations change things bit by bit until it takes a new form.
It also just matters how one feels - as emotions are pretty indifferent to facts. One can use facts to pin down what happened and why you might feel how, but you won’t change feelings or emotions with facts.
So you have to use empathy on yourself to feel out how you feel and interact with those emotions to change them. Which is especially difficult for men, who were taught not to show or interact with emotions.
Especially in a healthy way. It might be important on another point to talk how to be empathic with yourself. For now, it is important to know you can only change emotions by working them over and over again.
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful. Hope you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at firstname.lastname@example.org.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast, information regarding therapy you can find under johannadraconis.com/Therapy and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.