Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about a question we receive a lot - be it said out loud or asked indirectly - “Are you healed yet?” even if it not asked with these words necessarily.
This of course leads often to us asking “Why am I not healed yet?” - which is destructive and harmful. I know how frustrating this topic is - so let us talk about it and put things a bit into perspective.
There is definitely an undeniable parallel to “Are we there yet?” and those questions are very similar… as is their answer: “We are there, when we are there - asking won’t speed up the process, rather the opposite”.
But it isn’t like only the others are asking - we ask it ourselves, because this whole situation just sucks and we can’t wait to leave it all behind us and focus on the more fun things in life. Heck, anything else really.
Since we are now on the same page and this topic has a more… wide range at the moment - it might be a good moment to pick it up. Partly to share our frustration and of course to frame the whole thing.
It can be incredible helpful if somebody put in words what you feel… especially if you get asked this question frequently. Or just for yourself who might have been wondering why.
Lack of recognition how hard healing is and how painful
First let us talk about the lack of recognition how hard the healing process is. It is EXHAUSTING. I prefer working and… about most things compared to it. But people acted like I rested enough and should be now well recovered.
On the contrary - I needed some time to refill my batteries, so to speak. And working was way less exhausting - my energies weren’t drained before the day started, I could enjoy things and work ends. WAY better deal.
The healing process is similar to a strong workout schedule - just in your brain instead of your muscles. Our brain is a huge energy consumer. Similar to an extremely advanced computer.
Also the reason why we often have the strong desire for sugar while doing studying or the like. The problem is: Since it happens in our brain - we can’t really see it. Which means we can’t see what happens or the progress.
It is like being in a middle of a crowd and asked what the crowd is up to. In the crowd it is hard to get an overview of the process - unlike when you see it from an outside perspective. Unless, of course, we talk about the mood.
The other thing is that people often COMPLETELY underestimate how painful the process is. Similar to working out again - you are re sculpting yourself - which mentally means a lot of discomfort and pain.
Most likely one of the reason why it is so hard and exhausting. Dealing with those old wounds and traumas… can be so painful it completely consumes you. People can’t imagine it - unless they went through it themselves.
Complete underestimation of the damage and how long it takes
Then there is the complete underestimation of how big the damage of a trauma is and how long it takes to recover from it. I am guilty of the latter in particular - I greatly underestimated how long it would take.
It is in general hard for people to grasp something that they can’t see or interact with. Therefor most people underestimate how deep the damage goes and how long it takes to recover.
It doesn’t help that it varies on factors we often can’t control and measure - and there are no real milestones. It is like asking someone to define water temperature with just their hand. Gradually that is VERY difficult.
All of this can be extremely frustrating and punishing for no good reason. Your feelings are valid. Your feelings of being frustrated, hurt, impatient and the like. There is a good reason for them. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.
We hopefully one day can view and measure psychological damage, but that is a bit ahead. So the best recommendation for you is to grab a beer, tea or whatever beverage you prefer and just sit down and relax.
This is going to be a long ride - so be careful with your energy and time and be sure to treat yourself - you are doing an exhausting workout and pushing yourself too much just leads to exhaustion. Keep calm and keep going.
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful. Hope you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at email@example.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com/Podcast, information regarding therapy you can find under johannadraconis.com/Therapy and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.